


In between dreams and nightmares.

by chiyokintou



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: JeanxMarco - Freeform, M/M, Yaoi, attack on titan - Freeform, bxb - Freeform, jeanmarco, marcojean - Freeform, marcoxjean - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-10
Updated: 2014-05-10
Packaged: 2018-01-24 06:58:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1595786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chiyokintou/pseuds/chiyokintou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean finds a titan village when trying to survive in the outside world.  One man keeps helping him there, but then he finds out the true identity of this man.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In between dreams and nightmares.

_Jean had stopped counting the times he had almost died today._

_He had also stopped counting the people he had seen dead today._

_To him it started to be a like counting all the ants people kill. No one really counts them, even though some might feel bad about it.  
_

_Maybe his way of feeling bad about dead people was less now too. He remembered the way it was when he had seen marco die; and yes maybe it was because he was friends with marco, he loved him and he had become hooked on the freckled face, smiling shyly.  
_ _At a time like this he was still thinking about marco, after all the people who had died, he had only cried for marco because together with marco he also lost his plans for the future and his trust in becoming older than twenty._

 

 _Right now jean was all alone._  
 _It was horribly calming after being chased by titans all day, and now, they bearably seemed to notice him._  
 _Maybe jean had just given up.  
_ _If they would find him now he wouldn't win anyway._

_He was not a quitter, he'd die proud, maybe he'd even, accidentally , think about marco while being eaten by a titan. Maybe he'd be waiting for him in the afterlife?  Jean wanted to live really, but it didn't seem all that bad. He was not afraid of death. He was familiar with the thing most were so frightened for._

_he wouldn't lie; he'd given all his pride to stay alive once._

_What is pride really? Pride is made up by humans. Life isn't. Life is given by nature, the world, god maybe. The importance is much bigger than pride, like happiness is bigger than just money. Money is again made up by stupid humans. Spoiling yourself is alright. Wrath is foolish._

_Fuck, he didn't even believe in life after death before marco died.  
_ _When that happened he started to force himself into believing in life after death; to keep himself alive._

 

_This forest was calm.  The whole time he had spend listening to birds, trying not to think of how much his leg hurt, or about the fact his arm was definitely broken._

_Jeans life had come to a point of 'shit is this all?'_  
 _Still hadn't had sex, Friends turned out to be titans and his best friend was dead; a half body burned to ashes._  
 _He didn't even see the body after that first time.  
_ _Maybe he couldn't, it did too much to him._

 

_As jean thought about joining marco, he saw smoke._

_A fire._

_That could be either good or bad. But being half dead it could only get better._

_His legs carried him there, the way he didn't want to do anything got above his new hope.  Hope was something he had given up on a long time ago._  
 _He heard people talk, some even laugh and hard hits as if there was being fought.  Coming closer he began to doubt he should go there.. People living in a forest, without walls. That was weird. His whole live he had been obsessed with safety but yet.. there were people living out of the walls, and they were laughing._  
 _As he walked in he noted wooden houses, easy built, a quite big city._  
 _He could see kids training.  
_ _It seemed nice, calm, people without fear._

 Though a _s he walked he got nasty glares._

_"Hey Human boy!" He heard someone yell, earning a glare from him._

_He snorted "What kind of name is that? that could be anyone here"_

_That's weird._

_The guy started laughing loudly "_ _Yeah right"_

_Acting so casual._

_"What the fuck is your problem?"  He really wanted to beat this guy up. But as he thought so his arm started hurting.  His gear was done for it and his leg was probably partly broken too._  
 _He hissed, trying to calm his pain._  
 _The guy kept looking at him._  
 _His hand moved._  
 _A knife?  
_ _Why?_

 

_"wowow, maybe you guys should calm down"   That familiar voice!_

_That was Reiner.  
_

_I_ _t really was._

_Than this was-_

_"Reiner!"  jean yelled. A pinch in his heart, seconds later in his arm, his broken arm._

_"Hi jean, you don't look so well"_

_Jean snorted._ _"I'm getting the feeling I should fucking get out of here"  He mumbled suborn._

 _Berthold walked up behind him, breathed in sharply.  
_ _It helped jean. He realized that berthold hadn't left them with ease. He had gone though a lot too, not yet what he deserved but still._

_"we should help hi-"_

_"He'll tell them where we are"_

_Jean looked between the two boys._

_"Not if we get m-"  "Shut it, bert"_

_This was insane. Ridiculous.  All these 'people'  had gathered to glare at him. To kill him. The patiently waited for berthold and reiner to finish but jean knew.. he was a goner. He was as good as dead. He had really hoped he would die fighting, or at least not by the hands of a friend.. like marco did._

_He walked right into his dead._

_He wouldn't enjoy telling Eren that after he had gone on a suicide mission like the one he was on now. But it would be a mission. This is stupidity. Pain must have made him stop thinking, because he didn't remember himself being this stupid._

 

_"They'll kill us in our sleep!"  a women yelled._

_"They're not able to"_

_"In our human form!"_

_"He'll get his friends and we'll fight to death!"_

_Jean closed his eyes. Unconsciously praying?_

 

 _People ran at him._  
 _They weren't even going into titan form._  
 _He heard yells._  
 _He was dead._  
 _Nothing he could do._  
 _Maybe beg his mother for forgiveness._  
 _He hoped berthold was looking away, and reiner wasn't enjoying this._  
 _He hoped.. marco didn't move on.. he'd come for him.  
_ _He smiled._

_Dead huh?.._

 

 _The sound as if things were exploding.  
_ _The sound of someone shifting into titan form._

_Jean's eyes shot open._

 

 _Indeed, a big titan was holding everyone back._  
 _He didn't know the titan, it wasn't berthold or Reiner.  
_ _Someone he didn't know.. was saving him._

 _No matter how he looked at it he couldn't find the looks of this titan horrible, they weren't terrifying.  
_ _He could imagine this titan walking through the woods with birds on his shoulder._

 

_"Fuck, I knew it"  This was Reiner._

_Then. Seconds later. The titan screamed. A hard scream trying to get the rest to back off._  
 _They did._  
 _Maybe because these 'people'  also cared for each other._  
 _Jean knew this titan couldn't beat them.  
_ _He wasn't really tall or thick, he wasn't armored or lithe._

  _The titan shifter didn't show itself after the rest backed off.  
_ _He went walking in that form, wrecking the entire place._

_"What the hell?"  Jean groaned confused. He honestly was. This had to be the weirdest day of his life. His heart was beating inhumanly hard, pissed for letting him do things like this._

 

 _"jean.. come with me"_ _Everyone looked at him with disgust as jean walked with berthold.  
_ _He didn't know what was going on, but it was alright, he couldn't change a thing about his situation._  
He wasn't safe, no matter where he went. This bearably made a difference. 

 

 

  _"soo.. a titan village huh?"_

 _Berthold smiled a little  "You've changed jean"_ _Jean pulled up his eyebrow "_ _I mean that.. You used to be easily scared and now.. you casually ask about our titan village; as you call it"_

_Jean chuckled, a more psychotic chuckle  "That wasn't casual really.. but maybe I have changed I mean shit, I've been killed a few times today, broke my leg and arm, Yes I'm rilling but I'm not going to be afraid knowing the end is so close"_

_The dark haired boy nodded "do you regret joining the scouting legion?"_

_"Yes.. I know more now, but knowing is the first step to loosing your mind"_

 

  _That was it. He earned a smile from berthold with his answer but then he was alone. Locked up.  
_ _He hadn't expected the damned titan village to have "prisons"  
_ _Like someone would fucking try to escape with all these damned titans around._

 _The titan that saved him found it's way back into his mind.  
_ _He wondered how that titan would look in it's human form. Probably sweet, protective._

 

 _He heard yells on the street. He had really fucked this place up._  
 _It was about him._  
 _He heard a high male voice going against the rest._  
 _A voice that seemed familiar  
_ _It was a lot like.._

_"-NO! No, no no, We can't just kill him!"_

_a lot like.._  
 _Tears shot into jean's eyes.  
_ _It couldn't be, but it seemed like marco._

_A coincidence.  
Maybe him going crazy. _

 

_Jean started yelling "HEY!"_

_Again._

_Again._

_And again._

_Maybe they would come to shut him up._  
 _Maybe he could glance at the person with that voice.  
_ _A voice like marco's._

  _But they didn't._

_It was dark._

_It stayed dark._

 

  ------

 

_Jean didn't know how long he'd been here._

_It seemed so long, with his wounds treated it was better, but the lack of food was become horrible.  
_ _It was probably a day or something. He didn't die because of lack of liquid at least.. well not yet._

_He heard the door open.  A fully black clothed person walked in._

_"Hello?" bearably hearable. His voice was gone for it._  
 _The person didn't speak._  
 _His face was hidden._  
 _Jean tried to look, see his face.  
_ _He couldn't._

_The titan shifter placed some food into his damned cage and then a big glass of water. It was probably a beer glass. For a really heavy drinker.  The way he moved his body was small, polite. His hands couldn't be seen, they were covered in black leather._

_Jean silently wished he could see him, even if it was just his hands._

 

 _The next day the door creaked again. Jean's heart started beating faster. Locked in this cell he didn't have much to think about.  Think his life over was something he had done too many times. Yes, he didn't have all the answers. Of course, who has all the answers to life? No one, probably.  
_ _But still, the same old unanswered question had gotten his annoyance._

_He spend the night and day thinking about the dark man. His kind movements._  
 _Today indeed, after the door opened, the same man walked in._

_Jean started talking.  "You know, I really appreciate what you're doing for me.. I mean, ha, I bet a lot of people are tying to kill me.Was it you I heard talking the other day? The one saying they couldn't kill me?"_

_He didn't react. Jean did see that he felt something as he spoke.  
_ _the boy just shoved a plate under the rails, toward jean._

_"It's alright if you don't talk I guess.. I'm just feeling a bit lonely.. I'm used to that by now but you know, I did have the suicide asshole and his gang"_

_A drink shoved to jean._

_"Ya know..  This is great, I mean, If you - as a titan shifter - were inside of the walls, even if I liked you, I doubt I'd be able to get myself to help you.. Not because I think you're gross, I mean titans are creepy and shit but I guess I'll trust you on this one.. But still, even if you saved my life, going against everyone to save your ass seems like something I wouldn't dare"_

_Jean could tell the guy had a hard time suppressing a reaction. So he turned around. As the night sky he vanished again._

  _Jean couldn't help but grin to himself. He had no idea what he was doing. He was absolutely getting himself killed and he was absolutely into this titan. He was loosing his mind, though that was probably the lack of day light. Sometimes he'd talk to himself, or drum on the ground, he didn't really have shit else._

_Most of the time Jean would spend thinking of stories that would never happen._

_He dreamt about the mysterious titan shifter. About his home, his mother.  He dreamt of a safe place. Of heavens with marco. He dreamt of the guy he was once in love with. Wishing he could maybe find him back in a next life._

 

  _When jean woke up the next day the guy was already there. He was sitting against the railing. "Wow, hi"_

 _The guy looked to the side._  
 _Then the other side.  
_ _He took a key out of his pocket._

_The key._

_"Wow shit, good jo-"   "Shh"_

_Jean shut up, thinking of how he wanted to hear more sounds out of the guys mouth._  
 _He slipped through the door. The boy with his back to him. Jean could almost not resist to pull his hood._

_He held back.  
_

_The guy had to speak sooner or later._

_But no._

_He just signed for jean to follow him.  Jean did. This guy was his savior. He was going to get him out of here. He was risking his own life for him._

  _With every second they got closer to the gate. Even though jean bearably knew what was going on he couldn't help but feel safe. He was never this close to loosing his life but jean had never been so calm, so serene, as if he could handle the world with silence.  
_ _And it was working. They didn't use any force but this guy was getting him out of here._

_As weird as it might sound.. jean felt loved.  He really did. He didn't think any human would give himself this way to help someone. He felt like he had known this guy for forever. As cheesy as it might sound._

_They could see the gate. Jean had a hard time putting weight on his leg, which hadn't recovered one bit; he realized now._

_The gate was open. It was a dangerous place._

 

_They sneaked out. Not a person to be seen.  
_

_Until.  
_

_Reiner.   "I fucking knew it;  Ma-"  "Don't!"_

_That was his voice. The guys voice. But definitely also.. marco's voice._

_"m-marc-"  "No, no, no"   yes this was marco._

_His knees gave up on him. He fell on the ground. Face not moving. Staring at the black cloak in front of him. It was marco. Marco was alive and.. a titan shifter._

_Why?  Why did always people betray him like this?_

_"m-marco.. why?"  He panicked. His hand was rilling and his body shaking.   "Marco.. Marco, marco"he whispered. A sharp breath.  "Do you even know what the fuck I went through because of you!?"  he yelled at marco "You ruined my life! Why do people keep fucking with my trust?!"_

_"jean" the black hooded whispered calmly._

_"Don't!  Don't you say that like you care.. I loved you back then okay, I seriously did! Do you know how much it hurts to loose someone you fucking love?"_

_he was crying. Screaming._

_The plan was ruined. he was as good as dead. he didn't care._

_"I don't, and I'm trying to prevent knowing that right now"_

_He hicked, cried._

_"Jean, we need to go" marco sounded so stern._

_Reiner frowned._

_Will he hold me back? jean thought._

_He just said "Marco you will get killed"_

 

_For the first time, marco took of his hood._

_Jean's heart breaking, body trembling._

_This was really marco._

_Marco was here. Not who he thought marco would be but indeed really marco; the person jean desired most._

_He cried even louder. He cried out. Screamed._

_"Jean please"_

_Such a sweet voice._

_He cried louder._

 

 _Then before he knew it, he felt marco's hand hitting his neck, and then he was gone. Blacked out. Knock.  
_ _Far Far away, he couldn't dream of marco coming back to life, because it was the truth now._

 

 

 

 _Finally opening his eyes, jean heard birds._  
 _Thinking of where he was.  
_ _Why was his head hurting this much?_

  _He shot up._

_Marco!"_

_"I'm here"  A whisper, rilling._

_Marco was sitting away from jean. Unnaturally far away. His eyes focussed on a tree, just so jean couldn't see his face._

_"marco.."  Jean's voice broke "could you show me your face?"_

_Marco didn't reply. For a while he kept looking straight forward. It made jean consider speaking again. He always said what was on his mind but now.. he just couldn't. This was really marco. His best friend. His love. He betrayed him. Was he going to forgive him? Marco was a titan goddamnit!  but how could he.. after dreaming about marco living every single night.. not accept the fact he got what he wanted?_

  _After what seemed like forever. Jean saw marco move, hesitant, but eventually fully turned to jean._

 _His face was there, fully, not burned or eaten away._  
 _Tears in the brown eyes._  
 _He was biting his lip, as if it was marco who was the victim._  
 _Though jean just realized.. marco probably was the victim to._  
 _No. No he had a choice._  
 _Marco could have stayed._  
 _Marco fucked both their lives up._  
 _He was not the victim.  
_ _But his eyes.._ _He was in pain._

  _"Marco.."_

_Jean cursed for not being able to say anything but 'marco' over and over again. He had no words for this situation._

_"Jean.. I.. I'm so sorry"  He whispered._

 

_They didn't speak after that. They looked at each other for a long time. Until marco said something about getting wood and left jean. Then when he came back, they again bearably spoke. Accept from marco's "i'm back"_

_It was just that jean had a hard time dealing with all of it. He wanted to ask a lot. But at the same time he didn't want answers, though he also wanted to stop jumping to conclusions. It was complicated. Of course. What would you do if your dead best friend turned out to be a living titan shifter?  You'd freak out too.  Imagine realized that you actually loved.. a titan._

_The thought made jean sick._

_Because it was still the same, seeing marco try had made him realize he could never.. ever stop loving him.  
_ _Seeing marco made his heart flutter. It was stupid. He had gone through to so much, yet his heart could be stupid enough. Of course, his heart hated him.. It controlled him to._

_Jean didn't even realize how much time had passed when the night tim fell. He was so lost in thoughts._

 

_"I didn't bring stuff to spend the night.. I had planned to skip night and have you home faster." Marco whispered, fire made his face light up. He was the same. He looked the same. Jean wished he could forget marco was a titan shifter. Than this would be.. all his dreams come true.  He wished he could delete the part he found out from his memory._

_"its fine"_

_Marco looked up. Of course this was the first time jean had actually spoken to him.  "But.. you might get sick"_

_Jean snorted "Yeah but I almost die daily, and it's not like you can fucking die anyway so who gives two craps" Maybe too offensive, but he coulnd't.. hold it in. His mind was exploding._

_Marco looked down "This must be hard on you"_

_"Hard?! Hard, really marco?! I fucked up my life because I was too busy trying to live for you! I could never sleep and when I slept I dreamed about you coming back to life! You fucked up my life just to live your fucking titan life, which is fucking ironic because titans are the things killing all my friends!"_

_Marco just looked down. Of course he knew this._

_"You know what makes it even greater! I fucking hated, and tried to kill Reiner, berthold and annie, because they killed you in my mind, but hey you're here sharing a room with them for all I know, hey maybe you even had a trio with reiner and berthold you know? No problem jean is only risking his life for me. What if I had died marco? you wouldn't have cared. But God, in my last moment, I would have hoped that I could meet you in the next life. You wouldn't have fucking known, and all my thoughts and hopes.. The only thing I was still living for, the reason I would have died happy"  marco closed his eyes tightly  "You took them away today"_

_Silence again._

  _Marco tried to speak, but his voice wouldn't work._

_"I-"  a soft cough "I would.. try to die if that meant meeting you in heaven"_

  _"Or in hell, since we're both fucked people now, I can stop trying to be nice now"_

  _Marco winched. More painful words had never been spoken._

  _"It's not like I chose to be like this!"_

  _Jean glared. Of course marco didn't but he couldn't help but hate him for it.  
_ _He didn't know what to say.  
_ _He kept quiet._ _Admitting he was wrong in  this situation was impossible or worse._

  _I'll do anything.. Jean please"_

  _Jean groaned  "Stop being a titan shifter"_

  _Of course he to knew.. This was impossible. The way marco had fisted his hand. The way he looked. He was dead serious. He wanted jean so bad. He really would do anything he could. But there were things even he couldn't._

  _"I can stop shifting.. but I can't.. " His voice broke._

 J _ean rubbed his face. He didn't know what to do with everything, with himself, nor with marco.  
_ _His heart was beating way too fast, a heart attack didn't seem unreal nor that bad._

 

_"Jean, I love you, you know"_

  _Jean didn't speak. His throat was closed, his stomach in knots.  
_ _He didn't want this.  
_ _He wanted marco but he didn't.. want this._

  _"I know that, I ruined your life.. Though if you had find out earlier.. I think I would have made it even worse"_

  _"You could have told me"  Jean groaned._

 " _And would you still like me?!"_ _Jean shut up, looking down as a schoolboy getting scolded_ " _I missed you, don't think I don't have feelings just because I can change into a titan.. I am hurting so bad"_

  _Jean looked to the side, he knew marco was crying. He couldn't help but want to hold him. Wipe away his tears and hush him to sleep. Beg the night to let marco's titan side disappear._

  _"I loved you back then too jean. Why is it different now? If I would have told you then.. Would you have been with me?"_

  _Yes. He would.  
_ _He didn't say that.  
_ _He let marco cry to himself._

 

_"I'm going to sleep"  Again jean didn't have the guts to say something more. He didn't have the guts to finish this conversation and he didn't trust his heart enough to stay awake._

 

_He didn't sleep though._

_He was half asleep, but he couldn't stop thinking._

_With every thought, he seemed to grow more feelings for marco._

_Every thought made him hate himself more._

_His lust for marco growing._

_He hated this._

_He hated the fact that marco was right behind him. Watching over him in the light of a fire.. and he didn't dare to talk to him._

 

_Jean turned around, looked at marco._

_Marco noticed. He had been looking at his back.  
_ _Their eyes seemed to talk for them. At least, jean could read marco's thoughts.. they were pure, his eyes said that he hated himself.. he didn't want to hurt jean, and jean knew it._

 _Without a word, jean stood up. His legs giving up on him at first. Maybe because his brain wasn't entirely happy with the fact his heart took over._  
 _His rilling legs carried him towards marco. Who didn't dare to talk either.  
_ _he sat down right in front of the freckled, on his knees, and looked at marco. He wanted to know if everything was exactly the same. If his eyes were the same color, his hair was still stupid and his freckles still cute.  It was._

_Then, without thinking about it, he reached out to marco's face. The side that once was gone was perfect, healthy, even freckled again._

_"jea-"  "Shh"_

_He pushed marco's hair out of his face._  
 _He was beautiful. Like he once had been.  
_ _Jean only now noticed the tears in his own eyes. They were tears of happiness._

_"jean?"_

_Jean let his hand go from marco's neck into his ear. He let his forehead fall against marco's, his heart beating hard it could jump out of his chest.  He felt marco's nose against his. He smelled marco's sent, it was the same. His cheek felt soft, a bit chubby. Same as always.  
_

_He loved marco. Me loved him more than anything. He hated titans more than anything.. but his heart.. couldn't agree with him. It was stronger. His love for marco was stronger than all his hate. Right now. Right now, after he had smelled marco, felt him, seen him, heard his voice again.. He wanted to taste marco. He wanted to connect with him in ways that would even stay after death, so that if they died, there would be no doubt they would meet again._

_Jean moved, his lips softly touching marco's. Not a kiss yet. They were breathing against each other, feeling each others heart beat. Both were they not sure what to do._

_"Marco" jean whispered against his lips._

_"Polo"  As marco made this rilling, crying joke his breath came into marco's mouth. Then before he new it jean had given up on all his believes. He pushed his tongue into marco's mouth. Moved carelessly as if he had lost all control over his own body; he had._

_Jean took marco's head in his hands tightly, keeping him in his place as their mouths moved together. Then slowly he became calm, still were their lips moving in sign, still were their hearts beating hard. Jean's hands softy slid down marco's back, marco turned his head. He saw jeans calming as a sign he could finally show how much he had missed jean._

  _Softly, slowly they pulled back._

_"I uh-"_

_Marco smiled sweetly "It's fine I can read your mind"_

_"Then.. please-"  "Come closer"  Marco finished for him._

_Jean looked away, swallowed painfully, then nodded._  
 _It took marco less than a second to get his lips back on jeans. Jean kissing back, pushing him down. They didn't have to speak anymore. They both knew what the other wanted._  
 _Jean pulled out his shirt, failing because of his broken arm. Marco chuckled and pulled on the last bit, helping jean, also just really wanted to see him naked. They kissed again. Marco tried to pull out his shirt while kissing, they parted, he threw his shirt away, then they crashed their lips back together.  
_ _Jean slowly kissed marco down his neck. With everytime his lips left marco's skin he whispered "I missed you".  To which marco kept replying differently. With moans, with the same words, with "i love you"_

 _He knew it was true. Marco didn't want to hurt him. He knew it. He was sure of it.  
_ _It pained him._

_He wondered if they could maybe make love again another day._

_He felt marco's skin against his. It was warm. Maybe it just seemed that way in the cold air. It was weird, laying half naked in the open air, but he couldn't bring himself to stop. He didn't feel like he was in danger anymore. This was his first time in open air, without feeling like he was in danger._  
 _When he breathed he felt marco's belly against his, they were breathing in the same pace.  
_ _His hands streamed down marco's back into his pants. From time to they breathed, mouths open and against each other, as if they were breathing in but neither one of them had the power to pull away. As jean started touching marco's, he could feel when he was almost at his limit by the way he breathed short and heavy into his mouth. As small cries that jean interrupted with kisses._

_He could only smile tenderly as marco calmed down, tried to unbutton his freaking ugly white jeans._

_"Hard time with the jean?"  Jean whispered in a jokingly voice, saying jean in the way you said his name._

_Marco looked up "That wasn't funny, not even for you jean"_

_Jean pushed his forehead against marco's and chuckled softly "You just seemed so serious"_

_"I'm not used to the uniform anymore"_

_Jean didn't even take his time to feel bad about the fact this made his think of the old days, bad memories, he just unbuttoned his jeans in a second, probably setting a new record for taking jeans off. Then kissed marco, as if in these seconds marco could have felt forgotten. Inbetween pecks and heavy kisses marco's was completely naked, this was probably jean's new discovered skill for taking clothes off but both were comfortable with it.  
_ _Even when Jean touched his ass, pushed his finger in. Marco knew what would happen, he wash't afraid of it. He had imagined it. He had imagined it both ways and he didn't care which one it would be. He didn't expect to ever see jean, let stand he expected he could have sex with him in a silent forrest while jean kept moaning how much he had missed him. It seemed like a dream._

_"marco" A hush got him out of thoughts of jean "Could you.. raise your hips a little?"  Marco's heart skipped a beat. Yes. Yes he could._

_He slightly panicked. They were really going to do it. They would like.. seriously become one, body and soul. Had jean accepted his everything then? He was going to come inside him, there was no way he hadn't._

_Marco lifted his hips slightly, then, very slowly, he felt jean come inside him. Tears shot in marco's eyes. He cried out and then bit his lip as fast as he could._

_Jean looked so worried. He didn't want to hurt marco._

_"Sorry" He whispered quickly._

_"It's fine.. Go on, I can handle it"_

_Jean smiled slightly, moving slowly and carefully. Marco cried out, his cried slowly turning into moans as jean went on. The freckled arms tightly around jean's neck. He whispered his name over and over again, as if marco still couldn't believe it was really him. That he wasn't doing it with just anyone but with jean._

_There was a certain warmth, as it became less painful it became more comfortable. They whispered things to each other. They gave soft pecks and let their hands roam over the others body. Sometimes they were so busy thinking and looking at each other their pace got lost, they fell silent. Then when they stared for a second, kissed for a bit, they realized jean was still inside of marco. Those were the moments jean enjoyed most, though as he started moving marco's cry seemed a bit more painful, though pain and pleasure was so close to each other when he was with marco, he didn't even know what to think of it. He just told himself it was pleasure, as marco would reassure to._

 ---

  _Jean's eyes were closed. Still he knew marco was looking at him, their naked bodies pressed up against each other, cold hitting in._

_"Jean"  Marco whispered sweetly, jean nodded "I think there are bugs walking on my ass"_

_Jean laughed softly "Don't worry they'll get stuck in my cu-"  "Don't say it, don't you dare"  he laughed again._

_"It's good I have you, else I would have died in this cold" Jean whispered holding marco tight_

_Marco nodded and softly kissed jean's neck "Though I think we should but on our pants"_

_"yeah probably"_

 --- 

_Both had agreed on not going back. Jean couldn't really imagine going back now. To fight, to die without knowing where marco was. It seemed impossible. It hurt him to even think of it. As they came closer and closer to the walls he had awkwardly told marco. He used stupid excuses like "they probably think I'm dead anyway, it'll be troublesome"  as if he could make it any more obvious he wanted to stay with marco. He could have cried and said "I want to spend the rest of my life with you" and marco would have heard the exact same thing._

_They looked for a place that hadn't been entirely wrecked yet. People had lived there before titans came. People had time to build the walls because the titans were not even with as many as now. Titans didn't go for anything but humans; they should be able to live. If anything happened marco would be able to protect them.Titan shifters were almost always stronger that normal titans._

_It took them what seemed like forever to find a house, but eventually they did._  
 _The whole village was wrecked, as if titans had just walked over it. They had slammed the church into pieces. But on the end of the village there was one house that was almost completely in tact. The people had left without taking anything. Or maybe they just died._  
 _It was warm. So old everything stank._  
 _It was perfect.  
_ _When jean looked Marco's way he could see him crying. Softly he hushed marco until his tears had dried.  "I love you" He kept whispering over and over again._

_"I want to spend forever with you here"_

_"Your forever is not mine"  Jean had whispered softly._

_"I'll make it that way"_

_It was a promise. Jean wanted to say marco couldn't. Because marco dying, meant he had to cut his neck into pieces. But the way marco said it, he couldn't go back on it. They would. And as now not only their bodies, not only their hearts but also their souls had become one.. They would find each other in the next life._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading (: Please let me know what you think!


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